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Of Love & Self-Loathing

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An Almost Suicide....a note to myself of frustration and anguish and feduptedness.....

I hate myself.

I hate everything i am,

everything i do..

i hate the way that i begin to feel when i am not with you.

I hate how much i worry,

i hate how i much it makes me cry,

i hate the fact i have to live and cannot will myself to die.

I hate the scars i feel each moment that i miss your touch,

i hate the fact that i hate the way i love you so much.

i hate what this is doing to me,

its tearing me apart.

i wish i could throw it all away

i wish i didnt have a heart.

this brokenness inside of me

is killing me inside.

your gone for just a little while

and i feel like i have died.

I hate it when your not around

i hate how much i care

and most of all i hate the nothing

i feel when your not there.

i dont like to feel like i dont exist

or matter to anyone

but this loathing will not dissapear

its now what ive become

i felt so happy ..i was in such bliss

until cruel life ripped it all away

and now im left in the cold, cold dark

to rot and fade away.

 
by ~*Rain~*  Copyright 2003, All rights reserved.